Cat Puns Freak Meowt
by Kuaishu
Summary: When Pro-Hero Ground Zero finds a mangy old cat in the canal one night and takes it to the vets, he didn't expect to find himself faced with the largest, shiniest, most persuasive pair of green eyes he'd ever seen in his goddamn life. So, now he has a cat. And a crush. And he is so over it. A Bakudeku story. Excessive bad language because Bakugo. Ratings may change!


He didn't know how he kept ending up in these shitty situations. He was the Number Five Hero, he'd charge into crumbling buildings and walked out with three people on each shoulder, he'd square off against ten villains and still come up top, he'd could fucking fly, and yet here we was. Panting heavily, scratched to absolute fuck, the vein in his temple threatening to burst as he struggled to contain the hissing, spitting, biting goddamn demon of a cat he'd just saved in his scarf.

I mean, honestly, he could have just ignored it. He wasn't an animal person, he never had been. He wasn't strictly a people person, either, as his friends would be quick to point out, but that wasn't the point. He saved people every day. It wasn't in his damn contract that he also save the animals that natural selection was so desperately trying to pop off. But, he'd heard the pitiful high yowl as he headed to the store after his shift, and he'd stopped, looking down to the canal beside him to see the shock of orange isolated on what appeared to be an old shopping trolley embedded into the water.

He growled, glancing back up and down the path, realising that he was the only one nearby who could actually do anything, and gracefully slid down the steep side of the canal. This place really was fucking rotten ... shopping carts, beer crates and cans ... he narrowed his eyes. Yep, that was definitely a goddamn used rubber floating past him. Fuck, how'd he live in such a shit hole?

"'Coz that's where the bad guys are," he grumbled, before edging himself to the waters edge, looking over at the cat that had somehow managed to get itself stranded in the middle. It yowled almost angrily at him, crusted yellow eyes looking back at his red ones, as if the damn things current predicament was somehow his fault. He couldn't quite reach from this angle, he'd either need to wade into the canal or blast himself over. He didn't quite fancy the first option ... there was no guarantee that he wouldn't contract some sort of vanerial disease in the process. Maybe the next plague was contained in these waters, and he be damned if he'd let his ratings drop just because he inadvertently started the apocolypse. Nah, blasting over was his only chance, he could snatch the cat as he went past and land on the other side.

He didn't know a lot about cats. His colleague Red Riot had one. He hated the little bastard. All he knew is that it was constantly shouting to be fed and it's shit stank like hell itself. He couldn't understand the appeal at all ... but what he did know is that cat's are flighty as hell and they didn't like loud noises. Loud noises like his explosion quirk. He'd have to be quick and grab the damn thing before it threw itself into the water.

The cat leaned dangerously forward, yowling loudly again, and he sighed. Fuck, he was doing this. He made sure his scarf was tucked into his coat before taking off (it wouldn't be the first time he'd accidentally set fire to the damn thing), throwing his left palm behind him and jumping. Sure enough, the cat panicked, fur standing on end and looking for all the world like it was going to launch itself into the disease ridden canal before he was able to reach out with his right hand and snatch the creature by whatever he could reach. It happened to be it's tail, and the cat happened to let out the loudest goddamn noise he'd heard out of his own explosions, a shout louder than Satan's himself, and when he landed on the other side it was for the cat to have somehow twisted around on itself, latching all four feet on his arm and sinking the claws deep.

"Motherfucker!" he yelled, the cat gripping with such strength that it pierced clear through his coat and deep into the skin on his right arm. The cat, however, didn't let go, just hissing and yowling up at him.

"You little shit, get the fuck off!" But he froze when he got a good look at the creature, it's face so goddamn flat it was almost inverted, eyes buggy and crusted, patches of fur missing around it's face and both of it's ears seemingly torn down to the base. Maybe it had been hit by a car? I mean ... that face did not look normal.

"You got two seconds to take your ugly ass out of here before I chuck you back in the river," he snarled, actually raising a hand and jabbing his pointer finger in it's face. He was rewarded by the cat sinking it's teeth into his hand as he let out a fresh series of expletives.

And that's how it came about, at seven in the goddamn evening, Katsuki Bakugo walking through town with a furious cat wrapped up in his scarf, bloody cuts across his face and neck, holding his phone out in front of him as he followed the directions of the loud-ass navigator who, for some goddamn reason, spoke in a British accent. In Japanese.

He saw the neon light above the doorway of a neat little building towards the edge of town, and was relieved to see that the 'open' sign was still in place. Grunted, shoving his phone back into his pocket, he pushed open the door with perhaps more force than was necessary, and the receptionist at the counter looked up in surprise.

"Oh, uh, hello? Can I help you?" she said, dark eyes taking in his appearance, darting from the cuts on his chin to the growling bundle under his arm.

"Yeh, you can," Katsuki said, placing the bundle on the counter, the cats head peaking out of the edge of the scarf burrito, eyes burning with fury. "Found this mangy shit in the canal. It looks sick."

The receptionist blinked, before leaning forwards to look at the cat.

"Well, let me get you a basket first," she said. "We don't really allow animals lose in the waiting room." She lifted a hand and pointed to a sign above the counter. Katsuki looked at it, and blinked. 'Absolutely no cats or small animals lose in the waiting room. This is for their own safety.' He looked over his shoulder at the empty waiting room, then back at the demon creature that looked like it could eat a great dane if it wanted to.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

"Rules are rules, sir." The receptionist didn't seem the least bit bothered by his tone. Her dark hair was pulled back so severely from her hairline that he wondered if maybe her sassy ass mood was because she had no blood flow to her damn brain. "One moment, please."

She disappeared out back, and Katsuki growled, looking back down at the creature still struggling to escape the cocoon he'd captured it in.

"You little fucker," he said.

Within a couple minutes, the receptionist was back with a wire basket in hand, and she opened up the top whilst Katsuki placed the cat and scarf inside, untucking it as he went. The cat let out a god awful sound before spinning in the carrier, claws and teeth scrabbling at the wire, looking severely pissed off that it had escaped one restraint only to find itself in another.

"The thing's fucking feral!"

"I think you'll find it's just scared, sir," the receptionist said, throwing him a decidedly cold look. Well, fucking great, now he'd had the animal rights activists after him. "Now, if you could fill out this paperwork for me, I can get you in to see the vet."

"What." He took the clipboard, looking down at it. "You kidding? Can't I just leave this damn thing with you?"

For one mad moment, he was certain she was going to point to a sign that said 'Absolutely no dropping off of feral animals in the waiting room. This is for their own safety'. But instead, she threw him a look of complete shock.

"Absolutely not! Don't think I don't know who you are. You're a hero aren't you?"

He grit his teeth together, glaring down at the dark stern woman, before casting another glance at the clipboard.

"It ain't my fucking cat, how am I supposed to fill half this shit out?"

"I'm sure you'll work it out," she replied with a false sweetness. I swear to God, if I hadn't sworn some kind of oath to protect civilians ... "Please take a seat, sir. The vet is with another patient at the moment, but he should be with you shortly."

"Yeh yeh yeh," Katsuki snapped, snatching the carrier from the counter and walking back to the waiting area, sitting himself heavily down on the chair and throwing another last chance glare up at her. The cat continued to growl from it's place beside him, those crusty eyes filled with little less than complete and utter hatred, before he crossed one leg over the over and picked up the clipboard. Shit like, clients name, and pets name, were written across the top. They wanted his damn address too, and whether the cat was insured ... he couldn't answer half this damn shit. He grit his teeth together, clicking angrily at the nib of the pen, the sound quickly filling the room until he caught the receptionist glaring at him again. He clicked the pen once more, throwing her a sarcasticly sweet smile, before setting the pen to paper. After a moment, as if trying to judge how likely he was to just leave the second her back was turned, the receptionist left again, no doubt to speak to the vet.

"The fuck shall we call you, huh?" Katsuki said, looking across to the feral thing. "Little Fucker, that'll do."

Eventually, the receptionist returned, taking the clipboard from him, and he settled himself down to wait. He hated waiting. He was a man of action, sitting in waiting rooms was not something that he did. His agency knew better than to keep Ground Zero waiting, after all. His friends knew better. But here he was, sat on an uncomfortable ass plastic chair, a crusty old cat at his side, getting evils from the miserable looking receptionist. He glanced down at his phone and scowled. It was aleady half past damn seven. The store shut at eight.

There was noise and movement from the door on the right to the counter, and Katsuki looked up to see a man and woman leaving the room, a way too excitable terrier type thing at their feet, jumping and darting and yapping like a goddamn moron. He hated dogs. Absolutely hated them. More than cats. Well, maybe not more than this cat. God, they were so desperate to please ... had they no self respect? As if in response, Little Fucker started to hiss and growl louder, back arched as it took notice of the dog. The terrier, in it's excitement, launched itself to the end of it's lead.

"Cooper, no!" the woman cried, aghast, as she pulled back on the lead.

"Yeh, fuck off Cooper," Katsuki sneered. The man and woman looked at him in shock, before hurriedly shuffling out of the room. The receptionist glared at him again.

After a few moments, the door to the vets room opened, and a man poked his head out. His head was a mess of curly green hair, under which uncertain green eyes looked down at his clipboard, before looking up again.

"Uh ... Little Fucker?"

"Show time," Katsuki said, getting to his feet and roughly grabbing the carrier. The man stood straight, standing back to let him into the room, and one of the first thoughts that came to Katsuki's mind was 'huh, freckles', before he swept passed him, dropping the carrier on the examination table with little finess.

"Huh," the man said, not moving from his place by the door as he looked at him. "I thought Kibishi was joking. You're the Pro-Hero Ground Zero, aren't you?"

Katsuki glanced over his shoulder, taking in the excited look on the man's face. Though he'd openly accept that he probably had a far bigger ego than even most Pro-Heroes (and that in itself was saying something) he had never been a fan of being recognised in public. Perhaps it was because he hated the public. Perhaps it was because he hated being interupted, posing for photos and signing autographs ... fuck did he hate all that shit. But somehow, seeing the widest goddamn grin he had ever seen in his life on this man's freckled face didn't leave him seething as much as it often did.

"Yeh, that's me," he grunted. The man grinned somehow wider, his green eyes sparkling with excitement.

"So cool!" he said, his voice high. Then, he seemed to remember why he was there, and a blush formed across those freckled cheeks. "Oh, uh, I'm Midoriya," he said, thrusting his hand out, "sorry, that wasn't very professional!"

"Uh, it's fine," Katsuki replied, reaching out to shake his hand. The man blushed even more, dropping his hand as if he had been shocked, before hurrying around to the other side of the table. He watched as Midoriya cleared his throat, as if trying to settle himself.

"So, uh, how can I help?" he said, smiling again and resting those huge eyes on him. Katsuki bit the inside of his cheek. Damnit, this guy was pretty.

"I found this cat," he said, gesturing to the creature in the carrier. "It was stranded in the canal so I grabbed it-"

"You saved it?" Midiroya gasped, eyes alight and sparkling with little less than complete admiration. Katsuki blinked and, to his utter horror, he felt his own cheeks start to heat up.

"Sure, whatever, it's not a big deal," he mumbled. "Fucking thing wasn't too happy about it."

Midoriya then focused on the cat again, before reaching out to open the top of the carrier. Katsuki felt an unusual panic in his chest at that, reaching out quickly to grab the man's arm.

"Wait, this thing is evil-" he started, but the cat had stopped growling, and instead hesitantly peeked over the edge of the basket. Midoriya quirked an eyebrow at him, the start of a smirk on his face, and Katsuki quickly dropped his arm, thrusting his hands into his pockets.

"Hey there, little one," the impossibly adorable vet said, before reaching in and picking the cat up, placing it on the table. He grabbed the stethoscope hanging around his neck, holding them to his ear and placing the diaphragm against the cats chest, he then inspected the cats eyes, pulling back it's lips to examine it's teeth and gums, feeling down it's body before reaching into one of the drawers beside him and pulling out a thermometer.

Hah, you're not gonna enjoy this you little shit. Sure enough, the cat let out a decidedly unhappy yowl, turning it's head to glare at him when the thermometer was inserted into it's rear. Don't look at me, I ain't shoving anything up your ass! Midoriya passed another glance down at the cats rear, something that seemed fucking bizarre to Katsuki, before he nodded as if he was satisfied, dropping the thermometer in a class of pink solution.

"Well, couldn't tell you exactly how old he is," Midoriya replied, his voice bright, "but he seems in relatively good health considering."

Katsuki blinked, wondering if maybe this vet was either crazy or just really shit at his job.

"You sure? Have you looked at it's fucking face?"

Midoriya blinked, taking another look at the cat, before he seemed to blush again, rubbing the back of his head.

"I, uh, I don't really know what to tell you Mr. Bakugo," he said. "Sure, he could benefit from some eye drops, but well ... he's just not a very, um, conventionally attractive cat?"

Katsuki blanched, his ears ringing. He looked back at the cat, then up at the vet, then down at the cat again. "You telling me I brought this damn thing here and the only thing wrong with it is that it's fuck ugly?"

"Uh, yes. Sorry?"

Katsuki paused, taking a deep breath and shutting his eyes. Count to ten, count to ten.

"I mean, if it makes you feel any better, he can get a worm and flea treatment now, plus give his face a bit of a clean," Midoriya was saying, "so he'll definitely feel a lot better than he did."

Katsuki sighed. He opened his eyes again, and almost wished he hadn't. The goddamn vet was leaning forward, his face close to the cats, those green eyes wide with affection as the cat allowed him to stroke his head with a single finger.

"It's a shame, really, he's almost certainly a stray, though we can check him for a chip." He sighed, and Midoriya's expression suddenly grew sad. "Probably abandoned because of how he looked."

Katsuki ground his teeth together, trying so so hard not to be taken in. Don't look at that damn nerd's face. Don't you fucking do it, Katsuki.

"What happens to it now?" he asked, and winced. Fuck, what are you doing?

"Oh, well if he doesn't have a chip then we'll contact animal patrol in the morning," Midoriya replied, standing straight. "It's not all bad ... they'll keep him warm and fed at least. And sometimes the animals find a new home before they're put to sleep."

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT.

"It was very nice of you to help him, Mr. Bakugo," Midoriya said, smiling so sweet and honestly up at him. "Not a lot of people have time for strays around here." He then picked up the cat, cooing gently to it as he placed it back in the basket. The cat started to growl lowly again as the carrier was closed. Midoriya picked it up, ready to leave the room, before Katsuki growled and shut his eyes again, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose between his finger and thumb.

"Gimme the damn cat," he mumbled. Midoriya must have frozen, because he didn't hear anything back for a long moment.

"Huh?"

"Just ... gimme the damn cat before I change my mind!" he snapped, opening his eyes. The vet was looking at him with shimmering eyes.

"Of course! Let me just put on the parasite treatment and get you the drops!"

A few minutes later, Katsuki was storming out of the room, carrier in hand, trying to hide the blush on his cheeks as the cute ass vet had spent the entire time gushing about how great a thing it was that he was doing, and that he'd have to bring the cat back in five days for a second check up, and how wonderful it was that the Pro-Hero was kind to animals too. He placed the carrier on the table, the receptionist looking up at him with some surprise.

"I need to book an appointment in five days," he grumbled, his voice low, as he held out his debit card. The receptionist grinned ... evilly, he might add, taking the card from his hand.

"Oh ... he got you good, didn't he?" she said, smirking, and he didn't have to ask her what she meant.

"You're terrible at your fucking job, you know that?"

**A/N: I know, I know, moving onto a new fandom before finished my previous story? Well, I needed something lighthearted, and this little plot bunny has been hounding me for goddamn DAYS and I needed to write it for my own sanity.**


End file.
